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Okay; So, I'm about to finish up my semester at college. While before I was planning on taking summer classes--I decided that was a bad idea. It seems like a good idea until it's too late to realize I needed time to relax.
And draw! I've had a few illustrations on my desk for like, a year, that I've been too damn busy to finish. The upside is--even a year later?
I actually still like these illustrations. Usually after two weeks to a month I hate all my own work; And for the first time in over a decade. . .I don't feel that. I don't feel like a failure. Maybe it's the therapy, the anti-depressants, the constant exercise, and healthy, organic diet--maybe I've finally grown to love myself and my art; Maybe it's both. Either way--stuff will be happening.
You may've noticed I'm not doing any conventions this year; I was just more focused on school 8O This focus paid off, because I made the Dean's List (Some people are confused; In the US, in college or university, the Dean is the head of the school, and being on the Dean's List is an academic award for top grades.)
I also found out that I've been tormenting myself over a class it turns out I didn't even need to be taking, dammit! Since I want to teach college/uni, any field I get a phD in, I can teach. I don't need to do the teaching degree as I'm currently signed up for; That's for people who want to teach high school and below. So. . .so why didn't anyone tell me this sooner?!
But now I have a problem; I have several passions and I can teach any one of them I chose. Art keeps calling me, but I know that (locally) art history teachers are what colleges need. And I love literature, though that I would rather teach to younger folks. It scares me how many people tell me that they've never sat down and read a whole book! People ask me often to teach them to write and seem to find my advice helpful; But the secret is, is that in middle school, I decided I wanted to write an original story; And since my only manga I've ever seen was Sailormoon, all my stories were just like it. Clearly I needed more stories in my brain; More influences, more ideas, more things to make me think. I had awful grades despite this, and it didn't just apply to English class; I realized every single class I was in was feeding me information I could ultimately use to write a story. They say to write what you know; So I needed to know as much as I could.
However, I also recall the other students; I was one of very few kids who took school seriously and you'd never know it due to my grades and purple hair. I couldn't get kids to want to read then, but--I wasn't the teacher. It was the 90's, and it was fairly clear that most of the teachers just couldn't care less. Then again, the kids didn't either. How do you win that war?
Yet; At conventions when I teach classes, young kids come--and old adults. All of them learn, all of them interact, and seem to learn more and enjoy it more because they are there by choice. Because I'm not grading or judging. I'm teaching them what I know--and learning from them the same as they are me. And I remember those students; I remember their smiles and seeing them bond with their parents. Getting all these people to connect, to themselves, to each other, to me--it felt so natural. I wonder about them even now; Did I help? Did they have fun? Is there anything I could do better or focus on?
Problem is, if I switch my major to art, it's mega risky, because art teaching jobs are hard to get. Likely I wouldn't end up teaching but doing something else--but that doesn't sound so bad. But after drawing all day, coming home to draw more?. . .There's a saying, Too much of a Good Thing. That is, as much as I love to draw, I'm going to burn out way faster because I'd be doing double shifts; And double the strain on my wrists.
Luckily I have the summer to think it over--I'm excited for summer for the first time in ages; No more school, no more books, no more teacher's dirty looks! But mostly no more assignments no one f#$king grades!
Psychologically I'm in a good place; I found a therapist I rather like, and have been handling stress way better than before. My whole family has seriously been amazed by the fact I went to the busiest mall in the area on Christmas Eve, stayed, and did the shopping I needed to do. While that seems minor; It's a giant step for X. Being agoraphobic means I fear people, crowds, and wide, open spaces. This mall is an outdoor mall (Wide, open spaces), super crowded, like insanely crowded.
Iggy is still one happy kitty cat! Right now he's purring and dreaming of tuna--or catnip. Either way, I think I'll join in 8 )
Eternity Concepts' Besties
Look at all the cool stuff my friends* make!
Nuriko (Made a person!)
roryseviltwin is in hiatus D:
*Surprised to find out we're buds? Well, dude, we must've talked and you must've been pretty cool. How awesome is it to be you today?!